i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
my poor anus
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
