I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize