Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
