i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
