yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
