is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
