i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
