white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
