No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
