I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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