During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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