Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
