at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
