Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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