some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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