My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i love accidental penises.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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