If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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