Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
ttyl tear gas
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
