Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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