idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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