i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
