dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
