i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
