And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
