Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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