come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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