my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
