we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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