The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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