Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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