I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
