You smell like stripper and shame
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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