You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
