Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
