her vagine was all disorganized.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
please don't ironically join a cult
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