I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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