Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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