have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
