oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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