I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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