Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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