can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
