I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.