the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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