I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yea but for you.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
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I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?