Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.