That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life