I'm gonna have a badass scar
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap