What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.