Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
