Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had sex on a roof
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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