captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
