wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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