What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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