Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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