ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
