either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
