don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
