I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
