Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
