the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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