This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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