I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to calm my uterus...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
