I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
