He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
