just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...