butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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