He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
