I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
