Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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