Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
