Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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