You're so nebulous sometimes
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
