saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
