I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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