i think my tv is drunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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