I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
