Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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