I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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