Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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