FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we made out on top of his cat.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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