Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
