I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
