Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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